Gwen & Guinevere
by sneetchstar
Summary: Guinevere's confused thoughts. Between 2x10 and 2x13.


I don't know what it is I've done wrong, but he's avoiding me. He must be. I _swear_ I saw him duck back into his room yesterday when I was walking down the corridor. It's been going on all week, though.

Okay. So we've kissed a couple times. Does that mean I deserve to be treated differently? No. After all, _I_ was the one to turn him away when he came to apologize. So why does it hurt so much? Goodness, girl, get a hold of yourself. You're still just a servant.

Okay. Just bring him his lunch. _Knock, knock._

"Come."

He's standing by the window.

"Your lunch, my lord." Look at me. Look at me. Please, look at me.

"Just set it there on the table. That will be all, Gwen."

_Gwen?_ When did I become 'Gwen' to him? Fine, then. "Sire."

Merlin can clear up when he's done. I'm not going back in there.

The worst part is, I have nobody to talk to about this. Maybe Merlin, but I don't know how much Arthur tells him. I doubt it's very much at all. And it's clear he doesn't want to talk to me, so I'm stuck.

Should have left him enchanted. That would teach him. A lifetime with Lady Vivian. _Sigh._ No, that wouldn't be right. He would have died. Olaf most surely would have killed him.

I'm so bloody confused. What. Did. I. _Do?_ Why is he treating me no better than his father does? He's going out of his way to be cold. Almost rude. He won't look at me. He barely talks to me. I broke that enchantment, didn't I? Wasn't that supposed to mean that I am the one he loves? Damn, you, Arthur!

"Gwen?"

"What?"

"I think that platter is clean enough."

"Oh, sorry."

"Boy, I'd hate to be whoever it was you were thinking about. You almost scrubbed the shine right off the silver."

"Here." I need to get out of here before they start asking questions.

"The king would like some wine,"

Ah, escape. Not that I _want_ to bring Uther his wine, but it'll get me out of here.

"I'll take it."

I should take a swig out of this jug. Or perhaps spit in it.

"Your wine, Sire."

"Leave the jug."

"Yes, Sire." Go ahead and get yourself pissed for all I care.

"Girl."

"My lord?"

"Take these to the prince."

Damn it. "Yes, my lord." Lucky thing for me he didn't bother looking up. I'd've ended up in the stocks had he seen my face. Or perhaps the dungeon.

_Sure, I'll take these to Prince Dungbrain._ Let's see, what do we have here? Land contract. _Boring._ Order for supplies for the armory for his precious knights. _Typical._ Bill. Bill. Ooh, proclamation, let's see: Farming, grain stores, taxes, blah blah blah… _Yawn._

Okay, door. I don't like you any more than you like me. _Knock, knock._

"Come." _Predictable._

"Your father asked that I bring these documents to you, Sire."

"Just set them on the table and go." Over there? You're pointing way over to the other end of the table? Are you a _child?_ What the hell is your problem? Bugger it. I'm leaving.

"Have I… done something to… displease you, my lord?" _Mouth, why are you disobeying me?_ The wood of the door feels nice and cool on my forehead.

"No."

_That's it._ Don't you dare start crying. Just pull the handle, and leave.

"Guinevere." So _now_ I'm 'Guinevere' again?

"Sire?" I know he hates that.

No response. I don't think I can keep it in.

"Then why are you avoiding me? Treating me like dirt? Bolting the other way when you see me approach? If I've upset you in some way, at _least_ have the decency to _talk_ to me like an adult! If I haven't upset you, then _please_ enlighten me as to the reason why you are behaving like a complete and total _ass!_"

Uh-oh. _Now_ he's looking. At least I got his attention. I'm sure I look fabulous, standing here raving. Do not cry. Do _not_ cry.

_Say something, damn you._

Fine. Leaving.

"Guinevere, I'm sorry."

Again you wait until my hand is on the knob. I'm not turning around this time.

"I thought it would be easier." He's getting closer.

"I thought if I stayed away from you it would be less… painful." Closer.

"But I was wrong." Right behind me now. My back is getting warm from him being there.

"So wrong." Damn it. Now my cheeks are wet. And he's even closer. His hand is so warm on mine.

Did he just lock the door?

I can't look up at him. I can't. He's so close. So warm. He smells so good. He has me trapped between him and the door.

"Guinevere, look at me."

"No."

"Guinevere…"

"I don't want to look at you right now."

"Please. I'm sorry."

His eyes are so blue. Are they a little glassy? Is he upset for making me upset? He's looking at my lips again.

Oh, God, I've missed the feel of his lips on mine. Don't let go. Please, don't let go. Hold me tighter. Tighter. Please. His hair is so soft. Is that his tongue? Yes, it is. Okay, then, if that's how you want to play. I don't think I can stand up any more. Arthur…


End file.
